The Tales and Tribulations of a ChamberMaid

Secret Confessions

You may think working in a 5-star hotel would be a whirlwind of elegance and sophistication.

To the general public, those who are served you are probably right…but spare a thought for the servers. Those people that go out of their way, please and appease and always turn a blind eye. I have worked for the Elegance Hotel and Leisure corporation for the last 15 years and what I have seen has added an extra 10 years to the grey hair and 20 years to the skin on my knees. When I first applied for the position of chambermaid we were called housekeepers. A perfect job description. We kept house. Simple as that. Nowadays the role has changed. Housekeepers give an impression of a buxom matronly woman with hairy armpits and kankles. Not the visage the illustrious Elegance chain want to purvey. A chambermaid is sexy, naughty, forgiving and some clients expect very “giving” in more ways than one.

To maintain your position “front of house” you must be a certain weight and look like a professional call girl.

Even if you are wiping “gentleman juice” from the sheets or scrubbing the toilet bowl of an over-enthusiastic curry eater the day after. If you go over your target weight you are resigned to the laundry and must remain back of the house until you can achieve the impossible weight goals required.

Don’t get me wrong. I make it sound like I work for the Nazi SS and all orders must be obeyed, and yes they must be obeyed. Some of the management requests are unachievable and unreasonable and between you and me highly unlawful to the verge of illegal. But, the benefits outweigh the negatives 10 fold on a good day. I make more in tips and perks in a week than I do my monthly salary and if someone just happens to leave a designer handbag or mislays their wallet who am I to take it to lost property and fill in the required 20-page document. There’s no time for such trivialities. I have toilet brushes to remove from Japanese businessmen’s bums. I will tell you about that one day when I’m not so busy.

Today started just like any other day……

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *