How many of you have said to your mate “don’t worry about it” when they ask oh honey what is wrong. Well men must be really stupid because that phrase should send alarms and whistles going off!!! What it means is ” I AM FUCKING MAD AND YOU BETTER WORRY ABOUT IT!!!” So let me give you an example, my husband gets two lists every week from me.
I am living at the cabin in the mountains all summer and he comes down on weekends. So i give him 2 lists which are 1. what to do around the house all week, and 2. what i want him to bring to the cabin that weekend. So when he gets down to the cabin i ask what did he get done on the list, he says he has been too busy with work blah blah and literally got ONE thing done. My list had 5 items on it. So i say nothing. The next question is where is the stuff i asked you to bring, “oh its in the bag in the bedroom”, i go looking for the bag, and find 2 things out of 7 that i asked him to bring down. Needless to stay i am steaming!!! But i say nothing. I am quiet and make myself a large wine and sit down in the family room. I weigh my options, if i say something like WTF have you been doing all week or where the hell is all the stuff i needed, then i will be the “mean nagging bitch” and it will kill the weekend, so i choose to say nothing. Finally after ten or more minutes of dead silence, just the tv going on, which is his favorite pastime, he asks, ” what’s wrong hon”? How clueless are men, i mean really???? Of course, stupidly i tell him don’t worry about it and continue downing my wine.
The night goes on, the next day i’m still quite and not my usual bubbly self LOL. He dares to ask me again what is wrong, and cowardly i say again, don’t worry about it. Why do women do that? Why do i do that? I feel neglected and unheard, and he will say he is overworked. Do i want to get into this fight?? Verbal fighting is like physical combat. It requires skill. It requires knowledge of human nature, the ability to strategize, and a sense of fair play. Think of it as a survival skill. Not very many people are good at arguing, although most people think they are great at it. So i decide to choose my battles wisely. This one i am going to hold off on till he is ready to go home Sunday night.
I brighten up and enjoy the time together, of course its in my brain that those missing items i wanted are not there, so throw a few jabs here and there like, oh darn i was going to make this but i guess you forgot that pan… He says nothing. He tenses, realizes he fucked up and starts helping me with what i am doing. hmm that is a new approach LOL So instead of actually yelling at him about it, i slip it in and he suddenly becomes helpful LOL. The rest of the weekend continued this way, I was not unhappy about it, but felt it was to fake on his part, of course.
Sunday night comes and by now i’m not fuming mad any more. He is packing up and i said jokingly, “i will text you the list tomorrow hon, and can you please make sure you bring all the stuff you forgot this week LOL.” He laughed and said i will try. I said honey dont try, please just DO IT! I got a “yes dear” from him LOL and that was the end of it.
So moral of the story, don’t always jump into fight mode, take your time, work on a strategy, and maybe it will help strengthen your relationship!!
Have a Diva Day!!