Walking out on an argument?
Maybe I am overreacting here but does anyone else get super mad if you are in an argument and your man just walks out? Better yet not even in an argument but you are upset about something and going off and then say sorry I’ll drop it now and yet he still gets up and just walks out the door without saying anything? I don’t care what the circumstances are you don’t walk out! Say “ok well I am not doing this right now I am leaving” fine I get that. Get up and just walk out the door without saying anything? Dick move in my opinion. Am I wrong to think that? That did get me wondering about the rules of an argument though.
According to Dr Nathan Cobb, these are the 9 rules of keeping an argument in a relationship healthy.
#1- NO DEGRADING LANGUAGE:
no name-calling, insults, put-downs or swearing (umm I can’t have a normal conversation without swearing but I think he means no swearing directly at them as an insult).
#2- NO BLAMING:
the blame game is going to get you nowhere and can distract you from solving anything.
#3- NO YELLING:
yelling only escalates things. Nothing is going to get resolved if you are just having a screaming match.
#4- NO USE OF FORCE:
never in any situation for any reason should physical force or threatening of physical force is used.
#5- NO TALK OF DIVORCE OR LEAVING:
in the heat of an argument, threatening to leave the relationship is manipulative and hurtful.
#6- DEFINE YOURSELF, NOT YOUR SPOUSE:
use words that describe how you feel, and what you want and need, not what your partner feels, wants, or believes.
#7- STAY IN THE PRESENT:
do not bring up the past or other situations besides the current one. You cannot change the past only look forward to a better future.
#8- TAKE TURNS SPEAKING:
let one person speak and take turns. Listen to the other person when they are speaking, listen to their words not just thinking of a way to rebuttal.
#9- WHEN NECESSARY, USE TIMEOUTS:
A time-out is a short break to cool off, calm down and get perspective. Think of it like pushing the pause button on a video. It’s an opportunity to restore calm and be more reflective instead of reactive.
Well, Dr. Cobb might say to use a timeout, but I don’t think he meant just walk out the door without saying anything. Please chime in the comments with your stories or opinions as well!