The Change


Menopause comes to every woman. The same as day follows night. No escaping it. It’s coming to get you. On average this happens around 45 but could be earlier, could be later? Did we all start our periods at the same age? It’s coming to you. The Change!

Keep a watch out for the tell-tale signs your baby making days are coming to an end.

You become more emotional

Hormonal changes cause non-standard reactions. You can suddenly burst into tears when watching a usual TV show.

Want chocolate

You always think about chocolate. Even when you are full and already had 2 bars the desire to eat one more piece does not vanish.

You start gaining weight

No shit Sherlock you just ate 24 bars of chocolate from point 2.

Mood swings

It’s either you fall into deep depression or turn into a screaming lunatic ready to rip someone’s head off……hang on didn’t we do this when we were 13 14 15 years old. So temperamental teenager has become mardy menopauser?


Almost all women face this symptom. Nothing to can do about it. Knock back some pills or have a few drinks. Deal with this one.

Memory blanks

You start to forget some things. What did I come upstairs for? Walk always back down….oh yeah needed a wee….walk all way upstairs…..What did I come upstairs for…..repeat this until you either get to the bathroom or wet yourself on the landing? This is normal.

Facial hair

During menopause, some women start to notice hair growth on their chin. Either get to the docs for some HRT or rip the buggers out every time you feel one.


During the day you feel hot flashes and start to sweat. Sometimes it gets so hot that you’re ready to hide in a fridge. At night it’s one leg in, one leg out. Duvet on, Duvet off. Clothes on, Clothes off. Cancel your gym membership you are going to the burn ladies!

Flappy Jaw

You know that you should not say everything you think, but you just cannot stop. Your inner monologue breaks. If you think it, it falls out your mouth.

Touchy feely ewwww

You do not like it when someone touches you or comes too close. Get away from me. Don’t breathe on me. I can hear you thinking!!!


Hormonal alteration of the body is reflected in constant and fast fatigue. But ain’t you felt like this for last 30 years? That’s called motherhood!

Swelly Belly

If you liked your little ankles, then it’s time to say goodbye to them. From now on your legs will not look so elegant. That little flat belly you were so proud of is now a bump resembling a 6-month pregnancy. Aint Mother Nature a bitch.

So in a nutshell… waited 14 years to get your period. Mother Nature screwed you every month for the next 30 years and bloody hell she ain’t letting you get away so easy on the womb retirement party. Welcome to the sisterhood ladies. Don’t you wish you had testicles?

The Change

But remember, it’s possible that all of the above symptoms of menopause may not start at once. Every woman is individual. But if you do not cope with them on your own, be sure to seek medical help.

About Baby Bel

I'm a single mum, waiting on my knight with shining armour but the best I can hope for is my 7 year old wrapped in tin foil. You can normally find me on my hands and knees (cleaning the kitchen floor). Getting wet in the bathroom (cleaning the kids honest). Dirty in the garden (digging weeds). Being creative in the kitchen (spaghetti hoops on toast ah viola!)

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5 Comments on “The Change”

  1. Ahhhh Flappy jaw, I know it well.
    I seem to have morphed into a version of Catherine Tate’s ‘Nan’. Although I’m not at all fussy about being nice to peoples faces if they’re being (in my eyes) incompetent. I’ll let them know. Or I’ll let my daughter’s/grandaughter know how I feel – LOUDLY.
    In my younger days I met older women just the same as I am now, and they were awful women.
    Yes, I’ve become one of those.
    As for the chin hairs… I used to hate my new beard, but it seems to have grown on me 😉

  2. WoW why was I never told I would be so hot in bed even my hubby couldn’t handle me.
    I now get the bed to myself many a night as my hubby complains I am so hot he could cook an egg on my chest. But let him bloody try, I would rip his head off and feed it to the cats. Night sweats should be renamed to night volcanic eruptions 🙂

  3. This must be the most annoying time of a woman’s life. I know for a fact that this “men o pause” is nasty. Permanently moody and sweaty. Makes me definitely WISH I did have testicles.

  4. Is this what I have to look forward to? Hubby will not be impressed. We fight over the thermostat on the furnace now, I am always hot, so I constantly turn it down, he is always cold, so he is constantly turning it up, you are saying this is going to get worse? OMG :0

  5. Some times it works out well I have to admit… If hubs is cold and I’m boiling we cuddle up and help each other out 🙂

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